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Username: jugularnotch

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Copyright © 2012 Pen Name

Know

A pat on the back, a shake of the hand
I give the best gifts when they’re not in demand
An obvious glance to the things left behind
I know it’s worthless but I still pay it mind
When I falter, it’s not because I don’t try
I guess I'm just so scared that I’m gonna die
But there are fates worse than death, I know
A handful of lies, or so I’ve been told

And when I go outside
To greet the sun
I’ll make believe that I
Am the only one
Who is always looking
For the right way to go
But I don’t know
No I don’t know

A squeeze on the shoulders, a tear in your eye
Your fingertips on my upper thigh
The love that you gave him was all just a show
But who it was for, I guess I'll never know
You say that the hours keep crawling by
Oh it takes such a long time for people to die
But really it’s only the days that are long
Then you fall asleep and a year is gone

And when you go outside
To greet the sun
You’ll either run and hide
Or else just run
And you’re always looking
For the right way to go
But I just don’t know

Page 1

I think you don’t know

It’s better we all just accept that we’re wrong
Than take all the credit and wait till it’s gone
We sing our songs to stand out from the crowd
And we shred our voices from screaming so loud
And all of my songs, you already knew
You sang with the choruses the first time through
But when we finally head back home from the show
We go the wrong way and we don’t even know

And when we go outside
To greet the sun
We think we’ve got it right
Every one
And we’re always looking
And that’s good I suppose
But we’ll never know
We’ll never know
I'll never know

When I go outside
To greet the sun
It’s already night
And the day is done
Too many wrong turns
Was I just too slow?
I wish I knew
But I’ll never know


Ocean

I’m trying to make you see me the way that I’m looking at you
The way the order of things should be to keep the oceans clear and the skies bright blue
But there are just so many people here begging for an ear that’s free
And they distract you from my attentions, dear. They make it hard to make you want me

Page 2

I think

We’ll build a city in the middle of the ocean
We can name the thoroughfares after our children
Because nothing is logical when you are not a factor
You are definition dear
We’ll build a town on a remote deserted island
We can live forever and we’ll let nobody else in
Because nothing’s in order when you are not in the picture
You are reason, you are reason

Songs of pleasant desperation flood the ocean in my head
The levees burst and spill off my tongue and in my mind the world has fled
The truth is, they are ever present here, encroaching on our precious time
Is there a place on this whole planet where we can leave them all behind?
In my mind

We’ll build a city in the middle of the ocean
We can name the thoroughfares after our children
Because nothing is logical when you are not a factor
You are definition dear
We’ll build a town on a remote deserted island
We can live forever and we’ll let nobody else in
Because nothing’s in order when you are not in the picture
You are reason, you are reason

 
 
 

Page 3

Chills

And even when I'm dead inside
You can make me smile
To watch you tend my mortal wounds
I'm always so beguiled
My love for you is told in stories of ancient men of yore
But there will be no story for me anymore

And even when my heart is cold
You can warm my soul
My love for you is warm but new
It is not logical
A day when I'm not with you is a day that I abhor
But there will be no sunshine for me anymore

And even when my faith is gone
You can give me hope
When I go overboard, your smile
Is throwing me a rope
To live is just to breathe until you walk back through the door
But there will be no breathing for me anymore

I take my pen and start to sketch
Connecting random dots
Not even looking at the page
My hand draws what it wants
I finally look down. There you are, staring back at me
This paper is where you will always be

And I want you to stay but I know you should go.
And I watch as you leave, through my tiny window.
It gives me chills knowing that you know.

I've given up on my own health

Page 4

I only breathe for you
I've given up on love of self
It's all that I can do
When I see my reflection to look myself in the eye
I cannot stand to see a grown man break and cry

I largely just ignore the voice
It's screaming in my ear
It says that you would never know
If you would just stay here
And now I shiver wondering what I ever told you for
Because there's no keeping secrets from you anymore

Oh I want you to stay, but I know you should go.
And I watch as you leave, through my tiny window.
It gives me chills knowing that you know.


You Never Shine


So one more day before strange creeps in to sever the tethers
That keep me in my right mind, keep me level and clever
I got a lot o nerve, I keep on sweating light as a feather
I got brighter things awaiting me and better endeavors
But I can't break away from these chains and fetters, I let her
Creep in like a cancer, it's as bad as whatever
I guess I best keep it together, if I snap I'll never get better
And every day I know I'm facing death, a debtor forever

Page 5

I'm full of disease. It's not easy being sleazy
Can I overcome the sinner within me and be achieving
Feats of positivity and do good deeds? Believe me
I've been trying all my life, but I don't know if I can see me
Any other way. Every day I'm breathing heavy, homie
And the world sees me hustling but they don't really know me
If they knew what I was thinking, man, humanity would fear me
It's been so long since I could smile sincerely

Easy child, it's high time to change before too long
Every morning you wake up and realize that you've been wrong
It's been quite a while since you could just accept you need some aid
It's just pride that keeps you high, why you still self-medicate
And I remember every laugh I had was priceless as a child
Now that I have gotten old, I've forgotten how to smile
Will I always be this hollow? Will I ever feel complete?
Will I ever get the hang of walking on my two feet?

And I can feel it in my bones like a small earthquake
It's a dirty hand that I'm forced to shake
And in the heat I dissipate like a light snowflake
And the smile on my face, it's always fake

Page 6

You have to catch yourself before you fall down
Before you hit ground
You never shine when no one's around
You always hide before you get found
You don't make a sound
You never shine when no one's around
You always stay on the edge, on the bounds
But sometimes you fall out
And you are secret like the tears of a clown
You always hide before you get found
You don't make a sound
You never shine when no one's around
You never shine

Soul
 
 

I have a scar on my face because I
Have been biting my lip for most of my life
I just can't stop thinking it won't come out right
But now meeting you makes me think twice
You are a puzzle I can't seem to crack.
I've been looking you up and down and front to back
But you get so far ahead on some other track
I just can't pick up the slack.

Clearly I don't have the best way with words
But here are a few I bet you've never heard

I would be your soul if you sold yours to make yourself rich
I would be control if your voice could not find the right pitch

Page 7

I would be the bait that you use to ensnare your next meal
Though I wish it were me on that plate
I have to tell you how I feel

You've bestowed kindness on me, undeserved.
Now something inside of my soul has been stirred
And I don't believe I will ever be swerved
Are you aloof, or are you just reserved?
Because I have been hurt, yeah, I've hurt before this
Though I know you might smash my poor heart into bits
Anything worth anything is a risk
So now I collect what's left of my wits

Love, I keep wishing that this could be so
But even if not, I still think you should know

I would be the canvas you paint every thought you have on
I would be the silence when everyone else here has gone
I would be the secret you dread to escape and reveal
And I swear I would just hide my face
I have to tell you how I feel

I would be the future and everything you don't know yet
Baby, it's a gamble, but I won't leave you deep in debt
I would be the greatest dream you've ever had, live, and real
Don't you dare make a single mistake
Now that you know how I feel

Page 8

 
 



Home Is Where the Heart Is

Separate the time I waste from the time I spend
Trying to distinguish who is gone from who's my friend
In this age of information we are all entwined
Speaking with machines in hopes of finding peace of mind
When you said, "This is the year for change," I thought you meant
New life would be borne as sure as death is imminent
I fear I've seen my share of change this year, and now I weep
For every soul that I've lost hold of, wishing I could keep
Someday (someday you might)
You may (feel that we're all right)
Stretch your hand and reach for me
(It keeps me up at night)
I'm so tired of losing sleep

And when you look back on our lives, then every single time
You see my face and shining eyes, well give yourself a dime
And by the time you're at today, you'll be rich beyond measure
But save that up, you'll need because you went somewhere better
Than here.

You said that no one left me, no, that I'm the one who stayed
And maybe if the Earth were flat I'd see it the same way

Page 9

Then I'd find a telescope that's strong enough to see
When I get sad and lonely, if you're thinking about me
As it stands the Earth is still a sphere of blue and green
Glowing from the atmosphere, a sight we've never seen
Men see it and wonder why we can't all get along
But all I see are miles of fields. So where did I go wrong?

Someday (Someday I'll know)
I may (why you had to go)
Find a new place to call my home
(and leave me here, alone...)
Where buffalo have never roamed

And there are certain people whom you always just assume
Will stay and grow old with you, till they've grown apart from you
You try to keep in touch because you feel like that's the way
It's always been, it has to be, but morning comes new day
So have you ever gotten in your car to cruise the town
And found you haven't any heart to push the pedal down?
You drift around at twenty miles per hour and you think
The world outside the windshield moves so fast you dare not blink
At any rate, here's a song I wrote, here's a photo, here's a letter
I hope that they are adequate while you are somewhere better

Page 10

Than here.

Separate the time I waste from the time I spend
No more self-indulgence. I'm the best I've ever been.


For My Friends (I Love You)

You have ever been my friend on whom I can rely
But our talks haven't been profound in such an awful time
We played songs in signatures we'd never heard before
Now I wonder if we'll ever hear them anymore

We had one good shared friend that you now don't seem to miss
If you are happy so am I, but I might ask you this:
If you're only ever at peace while you are running fast
From what you know you should be, how long will that peace last?

Well I think you and I will be just fine
I just need you to continue when you die
And there is nothing in the world of which we can be sure
Love alone won't save your soul, but you need love to endure
So I love you.

When we first met I swore that we would become a pair
Now you get home, you see me, but I'm not really there
And the good Lord knows I'm trying to remain your friend
On the nights I can't stop crying, you stay watching it

Page 11

You are holding me the way a mother holds a child
When she's trying to save him from the terror of the wild
In your eyes I see sympathy, but I also see pain
And I wonder if I'll ever make you happy again

Well I think you and I will be just fine
I just need you continue if I die
And there is nothing in the world of which we can be sure
Love alone won't save my soul, but I need you to endure
So I love you.

Have you ever done a thing for anybody else
That was not first and foremost for the glory of yourself?
I remember you kissed the forehead of a man who'd died
On your lips his cold, pale skin seemed to more resemble ice

And I think that was the day you were forever changed
Into someone more severe, and definitely strange
No one will agree with you that it's best to end it all
Don't you dare make them pay for it. It is not their fault

I have to think that I will be just fine
I am for my friends, I will survive
And there is nothing in the world of which I can be sure.

It is so hard for me to say
But I will say it once more.

Page 12


I love you.

Page 13

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