Blind

            Going blind sucks. So does walking into an eye doctors off for the first time in you life only to be told you have a problem, not even glasses can fix…

            I’m Eric Vander; I am a well-known artist. When I was 30 years old I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, an eye disease that first steals your night vision, then you peripheral vision and then takes away all your sight.

            Loosing my eyesight was the hardest journey I had to go through. I knew it was going to be tough, as I was an artist and have a passion and love for painting. I nearly fainted when the doctors told me I never was going to see again. There was not cure, no operation, no nothing. I just had to accept the fact I was going to be blind…I was terrified.

            On my way home from the doctors I remember I was crying thinking why me? As soon as I arrived home I walked straight to my studio and destroyed all my paintings and sketches. Why look at things I wont be able to do anymore? Honestly, I don’t know why I did that; all I knew was that I was angry. I stopped immediately in silence and sat on as stool in disbelief of what I had done. My eyes began to sting and tears rolled down my cheeks.

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            Within a few days the first sign had already occurred, my night vision was gone.  When I was going to the bathroom, in the middle of the night, I kept running into everything! I couldn’t even see the outline of objects. The light switch was even difficult to find, but I eventually found it.  Lying back down in my bed, I realized I should be moving forward and not be dwelling on what’s going to happen in the near future.

            The next morning I decide to try something. Since I was going blind within a month, why not practice to draw now? I reluctantly wrapped a cloth around my eyes and began to draw. This was tremendously difficult, as I didn’t know where the paper and paint was.  It was extremely hard to stop myself from peeking. I just wanted the paintings to look perfect! Days and nights, weeks and weeks I worked on painting blind folded and in the dark. Eventually, I got use to it but I still wanted my painting to be just so.  As I was on a stroll one day I had a great realization! I shouldn’t focus on all the flaws in my drawings; I needed to let my hand and mind go free.

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            Two months went by quickly, my night vision was gone as well as my peripheral vision. Everyday got worse; little by little my seeing was gone. On my last doctors appointment they told me my sight will gone within days. I was devastated. Those last days I cherish more than anything in the world.

            The doctors were right my disease had taken over… I was blind. I remember waking up in the morning seeing nothing but black. I walked around the house in memorization and feel. All day I sat on my couch, my thoughts getting more and more tangled.  All I knew was that I needed to keep moving forward and embrace my new way of life. 

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